I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
