Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
