I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
