I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
