We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
