i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
