I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
