i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
