did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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