So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We got so high we made milksteak
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
