Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
