This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
