She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
