We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
