Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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