Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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