her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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