Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
