she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
