I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
