your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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