it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
