I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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