At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
