can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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