did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
