someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
