I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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