Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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