i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
