he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You left your phone here
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