I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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