I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
