Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
