did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My bed smells like the plague
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