took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
