i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
