The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
