god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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