I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
