My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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