I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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