pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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