I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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