I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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