Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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