I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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