he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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