Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
