you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
