I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
