Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
