she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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