just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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